Seriously?
Has it really been a year since all of those empty promises were made??????
Welcome 2015. You are a reminder that I spent the last 365 days making a liar out of myself and accomplishing NONE of the goals I had so loftily set for myself at the beginning of last year.
I'd laugh, but the reality is, I know it's not funny.
It wasn't funny last year and it isn't funny now. Hell - let's face it - it hasn't been funny for the last 3 decades that I've been fat.
I'm through with making promises to myself that I cannot (or will not) keep.
That's not to say I have given up on myself. It's quite the opposite. I've just gotten to a point where I realize that what I have been doing in terms of goal setting isn't working. I have to try a new approach and I think this time around, weight loss will not be the sole focus as I try once again to begin a journey to a better me. I know that for years I have dreamed of a quick fix. I wished that I could be one of those people that loses 50 pounds seemingly overnight - but in my heart of hearts I know that's not possible. Losing weight takes hard work and dedication - 2 things I have not mastered in my past weight loss quests.
So this time around, I'm not aiming for weight loss. I'm simply aiming for improvement. Improvement in the way I perceive myself. Improvement in the way I feel physically. Improvement in the way I am able to move my body. Improvement in my relationship with food. I have no weight loss goals, although I know that if I improve other areas of my life, weight loss should be forthcoming. But I am not placing the emphasis on that. I simply want to feel better.
I've taken a year off of blogging because I honesty have had nothing good to blog about. I don't even know if I will have note-worthy things to say this year, but there's the hope that I will. And I'm going with that...
I look forward to embracing 2015 and seeing what it brings. May it be a year to remember.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year, Happy New Me!
Happy New Year!
Welcome 2014...I look forward to making you a year to remember!
I have been thinking a lot about what I can accomplish in the next year and am excited to begin. I have set a personal goal to lose at least 50 lbs. this year and improve my overall health. Considering I have at least 100 lbs to shed total, I feel that setting a half way goal for the upcoming year is more than doable, provided I make some major necessary changes in the way I currently approach food and exercise.
2013 was a terrible year in terms of food discipline for me. In the past few months especially, I feel as though I have completely gone off the rails and ate pretty much anything that was wasn't nailed down, with ZERO regard to it's nutritional content whatsoever. My clothes reminded me each day of the bad choices I was making, but I didn't take heed. Stepping on the scale this morning and seeing the number before me was not so much a surprise, as it was a giant dose of reality: 240.25 lbs. I never dreamed in a million years I would ever be this fat, but there it is. The scale does not lie, no matter how much I'd like it to. The number reflects the way I feel - heavy and overwhelmed. It is time for a definite change. I know I can do this.
I'm starting this year with more mindful eating. I have to really THINK about what I am putting in my mouth and what it means towards reaching my goals. One thing that has to be tamed is my addiction to sugar. It's been dessert mania around here lately and it's gotten ugly. At one point we had three kinds of fruit pie and a cheesecake. Seriously? Need I wonder why my pants are tight? Hardly.
The other major adjustment in my daily routine will be fitting in exercise. I'm going to track my exercise with calorie count and in an exercise calendar. I completed 32 mins on the treadmill today, which was only 1.5 miles in distance - but the goal isn't to think of how short the time was or how minimal the distance - I want to think of it as what it truly is: More exercise than I have done in a long while. I also know that with consistency, the time and distance will increase quickly - I just need to stick with it.
My husband likes to joke that my nickname is 95% because I start a million things but never follow through with them 100%. I'm making a concerted effort to change that. This year, I'm going to do it all the way. This year, come hell or high water, I'm going to change my life.
Welcome 2014...I look forward to making you a year to remember!
I have been thinking a lot about what I can accomplish in the next year and am excited to begin. I have set a personal goal to lose at least 50 lbs. this year and improve my overall health. Considering I have at least 100 lbs to shed total, I feel that setting a half way goal for the upcoming year is more than doable, provided I make some major necessary changes in the way I currently approach food and exercise.
2013 was a terrible year in terms of food discipline for me. In the past few months especially, I feel as though I have completely gone off the rails and ate pretty much anything that was wasn't nailed down, with ZERO regard to it's nutritional content whatsoever. My clothes reminded me each day of the bad choices I was making, but I didn't take heed. Stepping on the scale this morning and seeing the number before me was not so much a surprise, as it was a giant dose of reality: 240.25 lbs. I never dreamed in a million years I would ever be this fat, but there it is. The scale does not lie, no matter how much I'd like it to. The number reflects the way I feel - heavy and overwhelmed. It is time for a definite change. I know I can do this.
I'm starting this year with more mindful eating. I have to really THINK about what I am putting in my mouth and what it means towards reaching my goals. One thing that has to be tamed is my addiction to sugar. It's been dessert mania around here lately and it's gotten ugly. At one point we had three kinds of fruit pie and a cheesecake. Seriously? Need I wonder why my pants are tight? Hardly.
The other major adjustment in my daily routine will be fitting in exercise. I'm going to track my exercise with calorie count and in an exercise calendar. I completed 32 mins on the treadmill today, which was only 1.5 miles in distance - but the goal isn't to think of how short the time was or how minimal the distance - I want to think of it as what it truly is: More exercise than I have done in a long while. I also know that with consistency, the time and distance will increase quickly - I just need to stick with it.
My husband likes to joke that my nickname is 95% because I start a million things but never follow through with them 100%. I'm making a concerted effort to change that. This year, I'm going to do it all the way. This year, come hell or high water, I'm going to change my life.
Monday, December 30, 2013
First Workout...It All Starts Here
Well, it's New Year's Eve Eve and I have just completed my first "life anew at 42" workout. I completed 30 minutes on the treadmill, walking at a 2.8 mph pace, with an incline of 0.5. While I understand that this is nothing to write home about by anyone's definition, it does give me a rough baseline for my (oh so sad) fitness level as of this very moment in time and, as far as I can tell, there's nowhere to go but up from here.
When I decided that today would be my first workout day of this life changing journey, the goal was to include some running, no matter how small the amount. I found a site called SaltyRunning.com that featured a plus sized runner who wrote tips on how to begin a running program when you're overweight. I don't know if it's my age or my back issues or the simple fact I haven't exercised in what seems like eons, but whatever the deal may be, running was NOT in the cards today.
I began walking at 2.5 mph for 5 mins and then was planning on a run 1min, walk 2 min combo until I hit the 27 minute mark, then walk for the last 3 minutes. Well, after running the first 1 minute jag at 4 mph, my hips and back let me know in no uncertain terms that they were unwilling to cooperate should I decide to continue with my original plan. Instead of becoming discouraged as I usually do, I made up my mind that no matter how slow this trip to health is, I'm going to stick with it - and that means listening to my body and taking smaller steps to getting there. The point was to move, so I upped the pace to 2.8 mph and kept walking for the duration of the 30 minutes. According to Calorie Count, I only burned 161 calories, but because I don't know my exact weight, that total could be off.
Tomorrow will be my first weigh in day, and then I'll weigh in again on Friday because I think Fridays will be the day I will want to weigh in on going forward. I'm extremely apprehensive about the weigh in because it has been quite some time since I stepped on a scale. Unfortunately, even with out doing so, my pants don't lie - and they've been screaming at me lately. Even my fat jeans are uncomfortable, and I know what that means in terms on numbers on the scale. BUT, I have to know where I'm at now so I'll know how far I've come in the future, right? So it's face to face time with the scale tomorrow, but at least I did something positive for myself today, no matter how small. Baby steps.
When I decided that today would be my first workout day of this life changing journey, the goal was to include some running, no matter how small the amount. I found a site called SaltyRunning.com that featured a plus sized runner who wrote tips on how to begin a running program when you're overweight. I don't know if it's my age or my back issues or the simple fact I haven't exercised in what seems like eons, but whatever the deal may be, running was NOT in the cards today.
I began walking at 2.5 mph for 5 mins and then was planning on a run 1min, walk 2 min combo until I hit the 27 minute mark, then walk for the last 3 minutes. Well, after running the first 1 minute jag at 4 mph, my hips and back let me know in no uncertain terms that they were unwilling to cooperate should I decide to continue with my original plan. Instead of becoming discouraged as I usually do, I made up my mind that no matter how slow this trip to health is, I'm going to stick with it - and that means listening to my body and taking smaller steps to getting there. The point was to move, so I upped the pace to 2.8 mph and kept walking for the duration of the 30 minutes. According to Calorie Count, I only burned 161 calories, but because I don't know my exact weight, that total could be off.
Tomorrow will be my first weigh in day, and then I'll weigh in again on Friday because I think Fridays will be the day I will want to weigh in on going forward. I'm extremely apprehensive about the weigh in because it has been quite some time since I stepped on a scale. Unfortunately, even with out doing so, my pants don't lie - and they've been screaming at me lately. Even my fat jeans are uncomfortable, and I know what that means in terms on numbers on the scale. BUT, I have to know where I'm at now so I'll know how far I've come in the future, right? So it's face to face time with the scale tomorrow, but at least I did something positive for myself today, no matter how small. Baby steps.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
The New Beginning
Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to me!
That's right, today is the day I turn the big 42. Another year in the books. Another year of being fat gone by. Enough is enough.
It's December 29, which means the holiday season is coming to a near close. Visions of sugarplums and all things Christmas will be nary a sweet memory in a week or two. I've just got New Year's Eve to look forward to and then it's pretty much back to reality, whatever that means, for the rest of the long, cold winter. The problem is, I desperately need to redefine my reality. Hence, this new blog.
As I do every year around this time, I've been thinking a lot about my indulgences, my weight, and the way that they negatively affect my life. While eating and drinking with wild abandon used to be loads of fun, I'm feeling more and more disgusted by it with each passing birthday. Maybe it's the fact that I've idly stood by as I watched my amazing husband, Josh, turn his life around last year. He went from a very overweight man to someone who is now an active runner and has experienced successful weight loss due to his dedication to exercise and healthier living. During the course of the same year my husband got in shape, I myself got heavier, less fit and more angry about it than I've ever been. Or maybe it's simply because when I try on my clothes, they fit like complete shit: pants are tight, stomach bulges and back bulges show through everything I put on and the Jabba the Hut picture that was taken of me this Christmas makes me want to disappear into a black hole. Yeah, it's that bad.
Whatever the reason, I'm making a vow to end the insanity this year. It isn't my first trip to the weight loss rodeo, but I'm praying it will be my last. It's going to take work, and dedication, but I'm there. I feel good about beginning my endeavor to get healthy now that the triple threat of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are in the rearview mirror. After all the indulging that has taken place, I am craving a change for the better. I'm not expecting miracles, and I don't care how long it takes. I just want to feel better, look different, and do things I never thought possible. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.
That's right, today is the day I turn the big 42. Another year in the books. Another year of being fat gone by. Enough is enough.
It's December 29, which means the holiday season is coming to a near close. Visions of sugarplums and all things Christmas will be nary a sweet memory in a week or two. I've just got New Year's Eve to look forward to and then it's pretty much back to reality, whatever that means, for the rest of the long, cold winter. The problem is, I desperately need to redefine my reality. Hence, this new blog.
As I do every year around this time, I've been thinking a lot about my indulgences, my weight, and the way that they negatively affect my life. While eating and drinking with wild abandon used to be loads of fun, I'm feeling more and more disgusted by it with each passing birthday. Maybe it's the fact that I've idly stood by as I watched my amazing husband, Josh, turn his life around last year. He went from a very overweight man to someone who is now an active runner and has experienced successful weight loss due to his dedication to exercise and healthier living. During the course of the same year my husband got in shape, I myself got heavier, less fit and more angry about it than I've ever been. Or maybe it's simply because when I try on my clothes, they fit like complete shit: pants are tight, stomach bulges and back bulges show through everything I put on and the Jabba the Hut picture that was taken of me this Christmas makes me want to disappear into a black hole. Yeah, it's that bad.
Whatever the reason, I'm making a vow to end the insanity this year. It isn't my first trip to the weight loss rodeo, but I'm praying it will be my last. It's going to take work, and dedication, but I'm there. I feel good about beginning my endeavor to get healthy now that the triple threat of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are in the rearview mirror. After all the indulging that has taken place, I am craving a change for the better. I'm not expecting miracles, and I don't care how long it takes. I just want to feel better, look different, and do things I never thought possible. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.
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